Natasha's eyes follow Alice as she practically bounces toward the balcony, and she can feel Jasper approaching before she looks back at him. He sits on the other end of the couch and she doesn't move, leaning against the arm with her legs bent on the cushion, and she manages to give him a sort of half-smile. "Me? No..." a little joke, hopefully one that will make him simply drop the fact that she's guarding herself, but Jasper isn't Clint or Steve. He doesn't simply drop something because she sends him a signal to. He isn't afraid of her.
She sighs, looking back toward the balcony that Alice had run off to before her eyes finally fall back on him. "I'm glad that you two are back together in the same place, I can see how much she means to you." She gives a wary smile, choosing her words carefully. "I don't think I've ever seen you like that." She hasn't, and the silly petty side of her doesn't want to admit that she's been paying attention close enough to be certain. He's still looking at her, and Natasha sighs as she finally sits up.
"I'm fine, Jasper. It's just a lot to take in." It's not necessarily a lie. Her attention diverts to her fingernails. "So does this mean that we're going? For me to meet everyone." She chances another glance up, this time without moving her head, and she stares at him curiously through her lashes. It's all still much too good to be true, she's realizing. How does she know that she isn't simply going to be used as a fun little plaything to something that they already have so firmly and deeply established? Natasha almost immediately scolds herself for the thought, because she knows that Jasper isn't that person. At least, she likes to think that she does.
"It was," he says with a satisfied grin, opting to answer the easier question first. "Found myself a decently sized buck, but the locals had their own designs on it. One fewer cougar in those mountains back there now." There's something thoroughly animalistic about fighting and besting a predator. He isn't certain if their blood is any more satisfying than a deer's or a rabbit's, but after taking one down, it certainly feels like it.
"As for whether we're going, seems you'd know more about that than me, I just got here," he points out. "You and Alice seemed to be having an engrossing discussion before I so rudely interrupted. But it sounds like Alice plans on stopping here for a while, and I think I agree with her. As you say, it's a lot to take in. I'd assume she thinks it will be easier if it's just us."
Her chest slowly moves with a deep inhale that she releases slowly through her nose, eyes moving to the balcony again, and despite her concerns Natasha finds herself giving a small smile. "She just wants to get to know me. I don't think she realizes just how difficult that is to do, but she's sweet." And not because Natasha doesn't want to try, but because she barely knows who she is anymore. How is she supposed to explain herself to someone else?
"If that's what she thinks." It's a grudging agreement but Natasha can already tell that there's no point in arguing. They want to stay here, just them, and Natasha isn't closed off to trying. She doesn't have high hopes, but she'll try. "So how does this work?" She looks back at Jasper, falling back into a sense of normalcy. There's no point in thinking about how many things can go wrong... neither Jasper nor Alice want to hear that, and Natasha knows that there's no way to quell the concerns in her head when they're rooted in basic cynicism in the first place. She offers him a small smirk. "Do we sit around the fire and talk about our feelings? I'd drag you into my lap too but I don't think you could handle it. Plus the whole 'control' thing."
"Well, one obstacle seems to have been surpassed already," he says, glancing toward the balcony, where he can hear Alice chatting to Carlisle. His smile grows as he listens for a few moments to Alice gushing over Natasha. "She likes you, by the way," he murmurs to her. "She's telling Carlisle."
But her question, flippant as it is on the surface, is a legitimate one. How is he meant to do anything except sit around and talk about feelings, if he can't get as close to Natasha after weeks as Alice could get immediately upon meeting her?
But perhaps that's one reason Alice wants them to stay together, just the three of them, before they go back out to rejoin the family. He's been growing steadily better, even if Natasha doesn't realize his progress. Perhaps Alice wants to give him the chance to continue that improvement. "Someday," he says after a few moments, "you will be able to. I'd like to work on that, if you'd be willing."
She can't hear Alice on the balcony but she's sure that Jasper can, and she cracks a small smile when he reassures her. "I know she does," she admits quietly, pulling her knees to her chest to wrap her arms around them. "She's a genuine little thing, isn't she? Here I am," she gives a weak smile, "still locked up. You're quiet, reserved. ...She's one of the good ones, isn't she?" Natasha finds herself looking back at the balcony entrance, staring for a few lingering moments. That's another concern... maybe they want her to be a part of their lives now, but will they still? Even after learning who she really is and everything that she's done?
When he continues Natasha has the decency to look back at him, and surprise briefly flutters across her face at his response. "...You really mean that." She says it like a new realization. "You really want to try this." She stares at him for a few moments, studying his face like she always does as if she's looking for a tell, and when she doesn't find it Natasha decides to try a new tactic; honesty. She's got nothing to lose.
"What if I'm not good for you?" She doesn't sound particularly concerned, and she asks it factually. "She saw it from the first day, I'm angry and sharp. ...You've seen the people that I've worked with." Guilt. It's seeping again, and she quickly shoves it behind that wall. "Maybe I didn't know what they were doing but that wasn't always the case. ... She's good, Jasper. You've been trying to be good for a long time now, I - I'm newer. At this." Natasha brushes her long hair behind her ear, a nervous tick. "I wasn't a good person. I'm not a good person, I - I don't know. I don't know what I am, anymore, I've been trying to figure it out since the day I got to the cabin." And asked him if he was going to kill her. It feels like a lifetime ago.
As always, Jasper waits until she's finished getting her thoughts out. He will always do that for her, whether she realizes it yet or not.
"Alice is the most genuine person I've ever met in all my years," he says steadily, "and if she hadn't been waiting on me in that diner in Philadelphia...well. It would have been the free-climber I smelled out there, and not the cougar, who got plucked off that mountainside. Yes, I have been trying to be good for a long time now. There was still a beginning to that for me, even if it's sixty years back."
He looks over at Alice again, watches her perched on the railing outside, heedless of the drop, of course, talking to Bella now. She'll catch up with every member of the family if she can. They have time to talk, a little more time. "This might surprise you, but I don't put much stock in the idea of destiny. Alice's visions, they're not destinies. They can always be changed. There's always some way."
It takes time, but he finally looks back at her. "Natalia, we are neither of us very good people, and I have had far worse influences for most of my life. It doesn't matter to me, I would say to either of us, that you don't know who you are right now. I barely knew who I was meant to be for a long time. Alice came along to show me a better way. Maybe we've come along to give you that chance too."
There's something reassuring in knowing that Jasper doesn't believe in destiny, because if Natasha is being quite honest, neither does she. She makes her own path, she knows that, and she made her own decisions to end up exactly where she is right now. Perhaps she didn't have the power to make such influential choices when she was young, but she still had choices. She could have chosen to not kill the girls that she grew up with, and that would have meant certain death. At the time, that was terrifying. Now, Natasha wonders if she had even made the right choice in the first place.
Her gaze softens as she watches him, and at the way he says her name once more. Maybe that's why she likes it, not because it sounds so melodic in his voice but because it's a reminder of who she original was. Or, who she was supposed to be before she was taken in at the age of eight. "I wonder all the time who I would be right now if things didn't happen the way they did." It's a confession she's never given to anyone, but she finds it easy to say to Jasper. Shifting on the couch, Natasha tucks her legs beneath her and leans against the back of it to face him properly. "I don't even know what my interests would be."
The idea of them finding her to give her a chance, it still seems too good. Yet they are, aren't they, simply by being here with her. They don't fear her, or wish that she was somebody else. They want to know Natasha - no, they want to know Natalia, and for the first time in her life she's afraid that she may not be good enough in an entirely different way. They don't care how fast she can kill a man. They care about something so much more important than that.
"And what did you find?" She asks him softly, letting the side of her head rest against the back of the couch as she watches him with a small, sad smile. "Who is Jasper Whitlock Hale meant to be?"
"Well, that's just it," Jasper says with a quiet, distant smile of his own. "I'm not sure I have any idea. I've read a lot of books on philosophy—most of the languages I know, I picked up for that reason—and all that distilled wisdom makes me awfully secure in saying 'I don't know.' But I know who I'm not, anymore." Sometimes that's the difference between veering off and attacking a distant hiker whose death would be chalked up to a mountain lion attack, and staying the course and going after the mountain lion.
He can hear Alice wrapping up her conversation with Esme. She's told them they'll stay here in Forks for a week, while Alice takes care of a few pesky details that hadn't been tidied up before they'd disappeared. They'd like to come back to Forks one day, maybe sooner rather than later, if they can evaluate the rumors about them. Not as easy without Edward around, but...Jasper lifts his head a little, suddenly thoughtful. Maybe they wouldn't need a telepath to help with that.
"Alice didn't say anything to you about being turned, did she?" he asks absently, still caught up in thoughts of asking Natasha to suss out rumors in town about the Cullen family's sudden disappearance. "She never brought it up with me, there wasn't the time."
It's so simple, the way that he says it, yet it hits Natasha so hard the wind is almost knocked out of her. He knows who he's not. "That's what I want." She says it aloud almost too quickly, letting on that she hadn't made the connection until she heard it in his words. "I want to know who I'm not. I thought I did, that's what SHIELD was supposed to do for me but..." she trails off with a frown. He knows the rest. They weren't who they said they were, which meant Natasha wasn't who she thought she was.
Her eyes fall to the couch, tracing idle patterns in her jeans with a distracted mind, but at his question she looks up abruptly with narrow-eyed uncertainty. "...No, she didn't say anything to me about that." The response is slow, as if she's thinking about several things when she says it. "Why? Do you think that it's going to be necessary?" Does he think that one of his family members will insist upon it? She can see, though, that there's distraction in his mind and Natasha tries to read him once more.
"What are you thinking?" She finally asks outright. "You've got that face, what are you thinking right now?"
It's reassuring to have the flavor of Natasha's emotions back, even if she hasn't gone back to the point they'd reached before. There's time, he won't demand anything like that of her. In truth, it's still impressive to him that she can guard herself so well. He doesn't want her to lose that skill.
"Hmm? Oh, no." He reaches over and rests just the tips of his fingers against her hand, and there's no real spike in his hunger when he feels that appealing flood of warmth. "I am sorry, that was misleading of me. I was considering our odds in moving back to this place. Ordinarily, Edward keeps his ear to the ground, as it were. He's our first tipoff when people are beginning to suspect. But I thought if you'd be interested in going and collecting some rumors about our departure, maybe gauge the temperature of the situation."
He shakes his head as he watches her, and while his fingers don't move to stroke her hand, they aren't tense and neither is he. "That would be more difficult if you were in the throes of a change, that's all. I don't know what you girls were finding to talk about, after all."
The simple gesture of reassurance is not only unexpected, but it's pleasantly reassuring in a way that Natasha didn't know she needed. There was no hesitation in it at all, Jasper simply reached for her, and for some reason that makes it all more real than the night before had. The night before, she had to approach him, and yet this time...
Well. The smile on her face probably makes her look remarkably foolish, like some light headed teen, but she doesn't find that she minds so much.
"We were talking about you," she teases. "Just about you. The entire time, you know. Gossiping." Of course it's not true, but she's playing with him, and she waves the hand that he isn't touching dismissively. "I can go into town and collect intel, that's easy. I've got the basics I need for some disguises I have in the trunk of the car, I don't know if my face is on the news yet but even if it is it shouldn't be a problem." She looks curious. "Is that what you want? I can drive in today, if you need me to."
"We'll consult with our communications expert," Jasper says serenely, turning his head again to watch Alice hang up the phone and hop back off the railing. Impulsively, Jasper's fingers slide along Natasha's to lace them, without gripping, just resting there together. "How's everyone?" he asks Alice lightly as she slides the door open.
Alice takes a few steps in and pauses in delighted surprise at seeing Jasper touching Natasha so easily. Without a moment of hesitation, she blurs across the room and settles into Natasha's lap, draping her legs over Jasper's thighs with a bright smile.
"They're fine," she says, resting her head against Natasha's shoulder. "Carlisle's thinking about going back to medical school, and Emmett brought a polar bear back to the house."
he laces his fingers between hers and Natasha finds herself smiling again, and she's certain that her face is absolutely not the faintest shade of pink because that would be absolutely ridiculous. Before she can respond Alice is back, she moves so quickly that it actually makes Natasha jump when she's on the couch. She knows that they can move that fast she's just never seen it.
Somehow this is easier. Alice is leaning back into her, Jasper is holding her hand and for the first time Natasha has the oddest sensation of being a part of something. Something that she wants to be a part of, not something she's been assigned to, and that's when she not only realizes that she actually wants to be a part of it but that she's never really been a part of anything on her own free will before.
"He brought back a polar bear? That's just showing off at that point, that's ridiculous." She rolls her eyes, smiling to herself as she does. Every time she hears about Emmett, she finds that she quite likes him. Natasha's free arm wraps around Alice's middle to keep her steady, and she starts to question herself as to why such an action came so easily before she stops the train of thought abruptly. Alice has already proven that she makes Natasha more comfortable than she should be. No reason to question a nice thing.
"Jasper and I were talking, I was thinking about going into town?" She glances at Jasper for confirmation before looking at the side of Alice's face. "See if I can gather intel on the family and what people are saying about them. I'd have to hide my identity but I already told him that's not a problem, I have everything I need to do that in the car. What do you think?" Natasha offers a hopeful smile. "So that maybe your family can come to us instead, and we can have the house fixed up before they get here?"
Alice kicks off her shoes as Jasper rests a hand easily on her knee, the fingers of his other hand still laced easily with Natasha's. "You'll find Emmett has a bit of a vendetta against bears," Jasper murmurs in explanation. "Probably the lethal mauling that did it."
Alice sighs dramatically, how is she supposed to incorporate a polar bear skin into their decor, they're so Seventies and she's already needed to deal with Seventies style once, but the conversation makes her blink in surprise. "Really? Do you think...oh, we always loved it here," she says wistfully, looking around at the familiar furnishings of the beautiful house, filled with natural light even when the skies are overcast. It's peaceful here, even with the Quileutes up the coast, even with everything that had happened here.
"You'd do that for us?" she asks, turning her head to look up at Natasha, hopeful and excited. This hasn't changed the vision she's had of them going to Calgary to meet the family, but maybe that's just because they don't know anything yet.
"Is that how he went?" She frowns when Jasper explains, falling silent for a moment at the thought that all of them, the entire family, had to have died in some way to be where they are. And yet they found each other, there's a sort of beauty in that.
"Of course I would." The immediate answer should probably surprise her more than it does, but Natasha pushes that away as well in favor of smiling down at Alice. The physical affection helps... she simply hasn't realized how longs it's been. "This is kind of what I do. Jasper knows more about it, but..." she glances at him for a moment before looking back at Alice.
"It won't take me long. I know the sort of places I need to hang around to overhear the chatter, and that might not even be necessary. It's a small town, if they know anything it'll probably be all over the local papers. I'll just pop into town, grab some groceries since we'll be staying here for a while and I don't want you two to have to run out all the time finding me a pizza," a coy smile, "see exactly what's being said and we'll have our answer. Don't be surprised if nothing is reported." She looks back at Jasper again to address the both of them. "The way SHIELD does things, the less people talk the better. I wouldn't be surprised if they already sent a clean up crew to make sure that nobody here saw anything."
"It is. I'll let him tell you the story, wouldn't want to steal his thunder." He pauses for a moment, openly admiring the picture they make curled up together like this. He hadn't been certain how he'd feel, seeing someone else's arm around his wife's waist, but as it turns out, it's not difficult at all. Quite the opposite. He wouldn't need his extra abilities to sense how comfortable and contented Alice is like this, and Natasha's getting awfully accustomed to it herself, even after such a short time.
He nods thoughtfully. "The diner is where the gossip-mongers congregate. But Police Chief Swan is Edward's father-in-law, you may want to avoid him for now. He'll be more in the know than most but he's a suspicious type and he'll wonder at any stranger in town showing an interest."
"So I won't show interest." She shrugs, as if it's that simple to her. "Don't worry, I know how to avoid the feds. And if I manage to make myself look intimidating and unapproachable, nobody is going to ask me any questions about why an unfamiliar face is around. The diner will be my first stop." She plans it aloud, partially talking to herself. "If I don't hear anything there I'll get my hands on a local paper. But I'll be careful, you don't have to worry about me."
She gives Alice a little squeeze and a playful smile. "But that means that you have to get up so I can go put on a different face." She moves, finally letting go of Jasper's hand to get to her feet and head to the garage. She comes back in a moment later with a duffel bag, calling out to them as she climbs up the stairs. "Don't have vampire sex on the couch, we've already got enough to clean up around here." She calls back to them with a smirk because... well, Alice is adorable and Jasper is proper, she can't help but want to tease just for the sake of doing so.
The wig takes the longest time, but after that Natasha applies some fake jewelry and makeup. The entire process takes her under an hour, only because she's as efficient as she is, and she walks down the stairs with a heavy step to stop at the bottom, slipping her rings on as she does. "Alright so exactly what am I trying to figure out, if they even know whether or not you're missing? I'm assuming that you all worked or went to school around here, right? Missing persons should have something if I keep hitting dead ends."
Alice had groaned a little, as if it was such an effort to move, but she'd shifted right over to sit on Jasper's lap instead, and they both watch her walk up the stairs with twin expressions somewhere between admiring and affectionate.
"I think we'll be okay," Alice whispers as she tucks her head under Jasper's chin and he wraps his arms around her. They stay like that, unmoving, curled together, soaking in each other's presence after so long separated. She'll tell him what it was like, but not right now. There will be plenty of time for them to spend with each other when Natasha needs to sleep, or when she's running errands, or gathering intel.
When Natasha reappears, they won't look as though they've moved an inch, because they haven't, not until she stops on the stairs and Alice looks up, and immediately hops up and hurries over to her. "Tash! You look amazing," she gushes, taking one hand and then the other to examine the rings she's collected. "If you didn't smell the same, I'd definitely need to look twice! You know, vampires are terrible at disguising themselves, our nature somehow shows through no matter what we do."
Jasper follows more slowly, hands folded neatly behind his back, to actually answer her question. "We need to know what the town thinks happened to us," he says a little briskly, something like a briefing. "They'll have noticed by now that we've been gone, but we've always been a little...unorthodox. It's more than possible they haven't thought much of it, and no one believes we're gone for good, but if they do think we've up and vanished, we need to know. It might be too risky to come back yet if that's the case."
"We'd need to wait a few decades," Alice explains calmly, as if it's a mild inconvenience. "Until the children we went to school with have all grown and their children aren't in school either. Grandchildren are okay, we can associate with grandchildren without much trouble."
Jasper nods in agreement, staying businesslike even as he also gives Natasha an interested once-over. "Carlisle worked in the clinic. The rest of us were in high school, until we graduated." He can't help the half-smile of amusement at that. "Then we all went off to colleges, so they believe, and we went a good few years without being sighted in town much at all, but we've been in this house during that time. All we need to know is if that six-week absence has been noticed, and if so, what they think caused it." A lazy smile. "Should be no trouble at all."
Alice exclaims the name so naturally that Natasha has to reply it in her mind as if she had heard it wrong, but she hadn't and it's... simply adorable. Clint calls her Tasha, Steve calls her Nat. Tash is a new one, and the smile she gives doesn't seem to match the look that she's painted on her face. "It's the easiest way to keep people at a distance, look unapproachable." She explains to the shorter woman, her attention only moving when Jasper begins speaking. The amusement fades, his business like tone catching her attention in a way that even she doesn't realize, and after he's finished explaining everything she gives a nod. "Easy enough. ... You went to high school, here?" She asks him directly, looking a little amused by that, but she doesn't press. She has a job to do now.
"Intel, food. Shouldn't take me more than three hours, if I'm not back by then I want you both to get out of here and get as far as you can." The command comes naturally as she moves toward the garage. "But that's not going to happen. ...Probably not going to happen. I'll be back." She gives them both a shy smile before disappearing into the garage, and Natasha takes the car to drive into town.
It takes her less time than she thought. The papers are empty, she gets a simple coffee at the diner, and she watches the news that they have playing on the television behind the counter. It's the group of school girls that walk in that does it, one of them complaining about how they haven't seen Emmett around and how they don't have anything to look at in History anymore. There are theories thrown around, from camping to backpacking through Europe, but nothing negative. It's comforting.
She goes food shopping, and the man behind the register takes the entire purchase to try and hit on her, which she stops with a flat 'don't' before the sentence completely leaves his mouth. She's back within two hours, and Natasha carries all of the bags inside because more than one trip is, in her opinion, for the weak.
"I'm back," she calls out to the house as she moves into the kitchen to start putting everything away. "Either you're camping or you're backpacking through Europe," she continues, knowing that they can hear her wherever they are, "but the rumors are all manageable. Like I said, SHIELD doesn't really do getting 'caught'. Do one of you want to use that handy speed thing you've got going on, because I really don't want to take forever putting all of this away."
Natasha had had a point earlier when she'd mentioned fixing up the house for the family. The immediate aftermath of his fight had been cleared away into the garage, but the crack in the wall hasn't been fixed, and the whole place hasn't been dusted or aired out in a month and a half. There's a decent amount to be done, even with their speed, and then Alice goes out to hunt.
She isn't too hungry, it's more that she's missed these woods, but Jasper begs off going with. Someone should be there when Natasha gets back, in case she assumes the worst, in whatever form that might take. He's finishing up the coat of paint on the now-spackled damaged wall when Natasha comes home—somehow it's easy to think of it that way—and at her not-quite-request, he steps out from behind that wall and walks even more slowly than normal into the kitchen.
She's bought enough to make quite a few meals for herself, he notices as he starts stocking the refrigerator, and it's a relief. He's still waiting for her to back out, he realizes, he's waiting for her to tell them thanks but no thanks, there are too many unknowns, she can't leave the familiar, she won't take the risk.
"Competing rumors, we can handle," he says with a nod. "Thank you, Natalia. That'll make things much easier, if the family wants to come back here. It's...troublesome, generally, to stay somewhere too long. People begin to notice when their friendly neighborhood doctor looks just the same as he did ten years ago, or when the kids come home from college for vacations and they haven't changed either, but Forks is different. People seem to be taking it all in stride." He smiles again, and it's sharp and humorless this time. "I'm sure the pack of mutts will be thrilled to hear we're coming back. They've probably already picked up on me and Alice."
"Oh, there's a nice face." Natasha greets him warmly with a playful smile, and she continues to put things away as she filled Jasper in on everything that she heard and saw. "You're welcome. Where is Alice, is she out hunting?" Why is that so amusing to her? The idea of Alice, a small whirlwind of warmth, bringing down a large buck. She doesn't doubt that she can do it, but Natasha would be lying if she said the image wasn't an amusing one in her head.
She's just managed to put the last of it away when Jasper finishes his thought, and it takes Natasha a moment to realize what he's talking about. Mutts? What mutts? The first thing she does is wrack her brain on any sort of vampire lore that she's seen in pop culture despite how inaccurate most of it has proven to be, but it doesn't take her long to have a suspicion. She's seen Underworld.
"Ooooh no," she groans suddenly, grabbing the edge of the counter near the sink with one hand and dragging the wig off of her head with the other. "No. Absolutely not." She closes her eyes before she takes a deep breath, and Natasha looks at Jasper with an annoyed glare. "Jasper Whitlock Hale, I swear to christ if you are about to tell me that werewolves are a thing... are werewolves a thing?" She asks it as if it's a challenge. "Don't you dare stand there and tell me that werewolves are an actual goddamn thing."
"She is, she doesn't strictly need to yet but she's missed these woods, and—" He actually takes a step back from the force of that glare. What, why is he in trouble? No one likes the wolves but that doesn't mean they're just going to go away, they were going to need to deal with that sooner or later.
"...I hadn't mentioned them before, had I," he says after a few moments, and at least he has the self-awareness to wince at his misstep. "I apologize. Yes, I'm very afraid werewolves are an actual goddamn thing. Like most of the lore about us, most of the lore about them is wrong, and we have a treaty with them. We don't bite anyone, they leave us be. They have their land, we have ours. Carlisle arranged it with their alpha when we first moved here. And," he sneers a little, "technically, we're related. It's complicated. But they don't actually pose us any danger."
"No!" Natasha throws her hand in the air, eyes wide. "No, you just forgot to mention that part! You forgot to mention the werewolves, Jasper. Werewolves." She repeats it, looking up at the ceiling as if expecting answers to come from it. "There are werewolves. You're attracted to a pair of vampires and there are - oh good." She returns to the conversation once she registers what he said, "a treaty. We have a treaty, with the werewolves. And you're related, to the werewolves, that we have a treaty with, yes, fine. This is fine. You, springing the existence of werewolves on me, that's fine."
She's glaring. It is not fine.
Natasha sighs and she starts to clean up the bags that the groceries came in before pulling pins out of her hair to let it fall loosely over her shoulders. "So? How do we kill them?" She lets the question hang between them, and after a moment she rolls her eyes. "I'm not saying I'm going to, I know what a treaty is, but I need to know how to just in case. You know, insurance."
"However you'd kill anything else," Jasper says immediately. Carlisle isn't here, he doesn't need to tiptoe around the central point with a lot of talk about keeping the peace and unnecessary measures. "They don't transform at the moon, they don't need silver-tipped anything, they're just a bunch of Quileute boys who turn into wolves the size of bears. Vicious, and fast. Good fighters. Far from invulnerable."
He could keep explaining, try to sort out the part where they're related, that the pack hasn't bothered them in years but an absence this long might have lulled them into a false sense of security that the Cold Ones had finally moved on, which could prompt them to come investigate, but he doesn't. Not yet. Just deliver the facts, he can go into more detail after that. He's watching her with that same sharp intensity, unconsciously standing straighter as he always does whenever he puts himself into a more military mindset.
"I see." Natasha's eyes are trained on Jasper directly as he speaks, her voice somewhat distant with a distraction that can't be placed visually. The way that he stands there, briefing her as if the soldier in him never faded... Natasha realizes what's happening a moment after, and she stands up a little straighter with a raised eyebrow when she does.
"I like it when you do that." She gestures to him, "that thing you do where you brief me instead of simply telling me something. It's probably weird that that turns me on, right? Yeah, it's probably weird." And yet she has no qualms about letting him know about it, or letting him feel it, the hint of arousal that his outward strength sets in her.
She turns to face him, head tilting to the side to let her hair fall over her shoulder, and she gives him a slow once over that she doesn't attempt to hide before her eyes fall back onto his. That sharp intensity in his stare... yes. That's what does it. "You don't like them very much, do you?" She smirks a little, and the look in her eye has changed as well. It's something more focused... almost predatory.
"I don't think we'll have to worry about them. I've killed wolves, I've killed bears. If they step out of line, we can handle it."
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She sighs, looking back toward the balcony that Alice had run off to before her eyes finally fall back on him. "I'm glad that you two are back together in the same place, I can see how much she means to you." She gives a wary smile, choosing her words carefully. "I don't think I've ever seen you like that." She hasn't, and the silly petty side of her doesn't want to admit that she's been paying attention close enough to be certain. He's still looking at her, and Natasha sighs as she finally sits up.
"I'm fine, Jasper. It's just a lot to take in." It's not necessarily a lie. Her attention diverts to her fingernails. "So does this mean that we're going? For me to meet everyone." She chances another glance up, this time without moving her head, and she stares at him curiously through her lashes. It's all still much too good to be true, she's realizing. How does she know that she isn't simply going to be used as a fun little plaything to something that they already have so firmly and deeply established? Natasha almost immediately scolds herself for the thought, because she knows that Jasper isn't that person. At least, she likes to think that she does.
"Was your hunt successful?"
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"As for whether we're going, seems you'd know more about that than me, I just got here," he points out. "You and Alice seemed to be having an engrossing discussion before I so rudely interrupted. But it sounds like Alice plans on stopping here for a while, and I think I agree with her. As you say, it's a lot to take in. I'd assume she thinks it will be easier if it's just us."
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"If that's what she thinks." It's a grudging agreement but Natasha can already tell that there's no point in arguing. They want to stay here, just them, and Natasha isn't closed off to trying. She doesn't have high hopes, but she'll try. "So how does this work?" She looks back at Jasper, falling back into a sense of normalcy. There's no point in thinking about how many things can go wrong... neither Jasper nor Alice want to hear that, and Natasha knows that there's no way to quell the concerns in her head when they're rooted in basic cynicism in the first place. She offers him a small smirk. "Do we sit around the fire and talk about our feelings? I'd drag you into my lap too but I don't think you could handle it. Plus the whole 'control' thing."
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But her question, flippant as it is on the surface, is a legitimate one. How is he meant to do anything except sit around and talk about feelings, if he can't get as close to Natasha after weeks as Alice could get immediately upon meeting her?
But perhaps that's one reason Alice wants them to stay together, just the three of them, before they go back out to rejoin the family. He's been growing steadily better, even if Natasha doesn't realize his progress. Perhaps Alice wants to give him the chance to continue that improvement. "Someday," he says after a few moments, "you will be able to. I'd like to work on that, if you'd be willing."
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When he continues Natasha has the decency to look back at him, and surprise briefly flutters across her face at his response. "...You really mean that." She says it like a new realization. "You really want to try this." She stares at him for a few moments, studying his face like she always does as if she's looking for a tell, and when she doesn't find it Natasha decides to try a new tactic; honesty. She's got nothing to lose.
"What if I'm not good for you?" She doesn't sound particularly concerned, and she asks it factually. "She saw it from the first day, I'm angry and sharp. ...You've seen the people that I've worked with." Guilt. It's seeping again, and she quickly shoves it behind that wall. "Maybe I didn't know what they were doing but that wasn't always the case. ... She's good, Jasper. You've been trying to be good for a long time now, I - I'm newer. At this." Natasha brushes her long hair behind her ear, a nervous tick. "I wasn't a good person. I'm not a good person, I - I don't know. I don't know what I am, anymore, I've been trying to figure it out since the day I got to the cabin." And asked him if he was going to kill her. It feels like a lifetime ago.
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"Alice is the most genuine person I've ever met in all my years," he says steadily, "and if she hadn't been waiting on me in that diner in Philadelphia...well. It would have been the free-climber I smelled out there, and not the cougar, who got plucked off that mountainside. Yes, I have been trying to be good for a long time now. There was still a beginning to that for me, even if it's sixty years back."
He looks over at Alice again, watches her perched on the railing outside, heedless of the drop, of course, talking to Bella now. She'll catch up with every member of the family if she can. They have time to talk, a little more time. "This might surprise you, but I don't put much stock in the idea of destiny. Alice's visions, they're not destinies. They can always be changed. There's always some way."
It takes time, but he finally looks back at her. "Natalia, we are neither of us very good people, and I have had far worse influences for most of my life. It doesn't matter to me, I would say to either of us, that you don't know who you are right now. I barely knew who I was meant to be for a long time. Alice came along to show me a better way. Maybe we've come along to give you that chance too."
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Her gaze softens as she watches him, and at the way he says her name once more. Maybe that's why she likes it, not because it sounds so melodic in his voice but because it's a reminder of who she original was. Or, who she was supposed to be before she was taken in at the age of eight. "I wonder all the time who I would be right now if things didn't happen the way they did." It's a confession she's never given to anyone, but she finds it easy to say to Jasper. Shifting on the couch, Natasha tucks her legs beneath her and leans against the back of it to face him properly. "I don't even know what my interests would be."
The idea of them finding her to give her a chance, it still seems too good. Yet they are, aren't they, simply by being here with her. They don't fear her, or wish that she was somebody else. They want to know Natasha - no, they want to know Natalia, and for the first time in her life she's afraid that she may not be good enough in an entirely different way. They don't care how fast she can kill a man. They care about something so much more important than that.
"And what did you find?" She asks him softly, letting the side of her head rest against the back of the couch as she watches him with a small, sad smile. "Who is Jasper Whitlock Hale meant to be?"
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He can hear Alice wrapping up her conversation with Esme. She's told them they'll stay here in Forks for a week, while Alice takes care of a few pesky details that hadn't been tidied up before they'd disappeared. They'd like to come back to Forks one day, maybe sooner rather than later, if they can evaluate the rumors about them. Not as easy without Edward around, but...Jasper lifts his head a little, suddenly thoughtful. Maybe they wouldn't need a telepath to help with that.
"Alice didn't say anything to you about being turned, did she?" he asks absently, still caught up in thoughts of asking Natasha to suss out rumors in town about the Cullen family's sudden disappearance. "She never brought it up with me, there wasn't the time."
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Her eyes fall to the couch, tracing idle patterns in her jeans with a distracted mind, but at his question she looks up abruptly with narrow-eyed uncertainty. "...No, she didn't say anything to me about that." The response is slow, as if she's thinking about several things when she says it. "Why? Do you think that it's going to be necessary?" Does he think that one of his family members will insist upon it? She can see, though, that there's distraction in his mind and Natasha tries to read him once more.
"What are you thinking?" She finally asks outright. "You've got that face, what are you thinking right now?"
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"Hmm? Oh, no." He reaches over and rests just the tips of his fingers against her hand, and there's no real spike in his hunger when he feels that appealing flood of warmth. "I am sorry, that was misleading of me. I was considering our odds in moving back to this place. Ordinarily, Edward keeps his ear to the ground, as it were. He's our first tipoff when people are beginning to suspect. But I thought if you'd be interested in going and collecting some rumors about our departure, maybe gauge the temperature of the situation."
He shakes his head as he watches her, and while his fingers don't move to stroke her hand, they aren't tense and neither is he. "That would be more difficult if you were in the throes of a change, that's all. I don't know what you girls were finding to talk about, after all."
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Well. The smile on her face probably makes her look remarkably foolish, like some light headed teen, but she doesn't find that she minds so much.
"We were talking about you," she teases. "Just about you. The entire time, you know. Gossiping." Of course it's not true, but she's playing with him, and she waves the hand that he isn't touching dismissively. "I can go into town and collect intel, that's easy. I've got the basics I need for some disguises I have in the trunk of the car, I don't know if my face is on the news yet but even if it is it shouldn't be a problem." She looks curious. "Is that what you want? I can drive in today, if you need me to."
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Alice takes a few steps in and pauses in delighted surprise at seeing Jasper touching Natasha so easily. Without a moment of hesitation, she blurs across the room and settles into Natasha's lap, draping her legs over Jasper's thighs with a bright smile.
"They're fine," she says, resting her head against Natasha's shoulder. "Carlisle's thinking about going back to medical school, and Emmett brought a polar bear back to the house."
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Somehow this is easier. Alice is leaning back into her, Jasper is holding her hand and for the first time Natasha has the oddest sensation of being a part of something. Something that she wants to be a part of, not something she's been assigned to, and that's when she not only realizes that she actually wants to be a part of it but that she's never really been a part of anything on her own free will before.
"He brought back a polar bear? That's just showing off at that point, that's ridiculous." She rolls her eyes, smiling to herself as she does. Every time she hears about Emmett, she finds that she quite likes him. Natasha's free arm wraps around Alice's middle to keep her steady, and she starts to question herself as to why such an action came so easily before she stops the train of thought abruptly. Alice has already proven that she makes Natasha more comfortable than she should be. No reason to question a nice thing.
"Jasper and I were talking, I was thinking about going into town?" She glances at Jasper for confirmation before looking at the side of Alice's face. "See if I can gather intel on the family and what people are saying about them. I'd have to hide my identity but I already told him that's not a problem, I have everything I need to do that in the car. What do you think?" Natasha offers a hopeful smile. "So that maybe your family can come to us instead, and we can have the house fixed up before they get here?"
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Alice sighs dramatically, how is she supposed to incorporate a polar bear skin into their decor, they're so Seventies and she's already needed to deal with Seventies style once, but the conversation makes her blink in surprise. "Really? Do you think...oh, we always loved it here," she says wistfully, looking around at the familiar furnishings of the beautiful house, filled with natural light even when the skies are overcast. It's peaceful here, even with the Quileutes up the coast, even with everything that had happened here.
"You'd do that for us?" she asks, turning her head to look up at Natasha, hopeful and excited. This hasn't changed the vision she's had of them going to Calgary to meet the family, but maybe that's just because they don't know anything yet.
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"Of course I would." The immediate answer should probably surprise her more than it does, but Natasha pushes that away as well in favor of smiling down at Alice. The physical affection helps... she simply hasn't realized how longs it's been. "This is kind of what I do. Jasper knows more about it, but..." she glances at him for a moment before looking back at Alice.
"It won't take me long. I know the sort of places I need to hang around to overhear the chatter, and that might not even be necessary. It's a small town, if they know anything it'll probably be all over the local papers. I'll just pop into town, grab some groceries since we'll be staying here for a while and I don't want you two to have to run out all the time finding me a pizza," a coy smile, "see exactly what's being said and we'll have our answer. Don't be surprised if nothing is reported." She looks back at Jasper again to address the both of them. "The way SHIELD does things, the less people talk the better. I wouldn't be surprised if they already sent a clean up crew to make sure that nobody here saw anything."
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He nods thoughtfully. "The diner is where the gossip-mongers congregate. But Police Chief Swan is Edward's father-in-law, you may want to avoid him for now. He'll be more in the know than most but he's a suspicious type and he'll wonder at any stranger in town showing an interest."
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She gives Alice a little squeeze and a playful smile. "But that means that you have to get up so I can go put on a different face." She moves, finally letting go of Jasper's hand to get to her feet and head to the garage. She comes back in a moment later with a duffel bag, calling out to them as she climbs up the stairs. "Don't have vampire sex on the couch, we've already got enough to clean up around here." She calls back to them with a smirk because... well, Alice is adorable and Jasper is proper, she can't help but want to tease just for the sake of doing so.
The wig takes the longest time, but after that Natasha applies some fake jewelry and makeup. The entire process takes her under an hour, only because she's as efficient as she is, and she walks down the stairs with a heavy step to stop at the bottom, slipping her rings on as she does. "Alright so exactly what am I trying to figure out, if they even know whether or not you're missing? I'm assuming that you all worked or went to school around here, right? Missing persons should have something if I keep hitting dead ends."
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"I think we'll be okay," Alice whispers as she tucks her head under Jasper's chin and he wraps his arms around her. They stay like that, unmoving, curled together, soaking in each other's presence after so long separated. She'll tell him what it was like, but not right now. There will be plenty of time for them to spend with each other when Natasha needs to sleep, or when she's running errands, or gathering intel.
When Natasha reappears, they won't look as though they've moved an inch, because they haven't, not until she stops on the stairs and Alice looks up, and immediately hops up and hurries over to her. "Tash! You look amazing," she gushes, taking one hand and then the other to examine the rings she's collected. "If you didn't smell the same, I'd definitely need to look twice! You know, vampires are terrible at disguising themselves, our nature somehow shows through no matter what we do."
Jasper follows more slowly, hands folded neatly behind his back, to actually answer her question. "We need to know what the town thinks happened to us," he says a little briskly, something like a briefing. "They'll have noticed by now that we've been gone, but we've always been a little...unorthodox. It's more than possible they haven't thought much of it, and no one believes we're gone for good, but if they do think we've up and vanished, we need to know. It might be too risky to come back yet if that's the case."
"We'd need to wait a few decades," Alice explains calmly, as if it's a mild inconvenience. "Until the children we went to school with have all grown and their children aren't in school either. Grandchildren are okay, we can associate with grandchildren without much trouble."
Jasper nods in agreement, staying businesslike even as he also gives Natasha an interested once-over. "Carlisle worked in the clinic. The rest of us were in high school, until we graduated." He can't help the half-smile of amusement at that. "Then we all went off to colleges, so they believe, and we went a good few years without being sighted in town much at all, but we've been in this house during that time. All we need to know is if that six-week absence has been noticed, and if so, what they think caused it." A lazy smile. "Should be no trouble at all."
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"Intel, food. Shouldn't take me more than three hours, if I'm not back by then I want you both to get out of here and get as far as you can." The command comes naturally as she moves toward the garage. "But that's not going to happen. ...Probably not going to happen. I'll be back." She gives them both a shy smile before disappearing into the garage, and Natasha takes the car to drive into town.
It takes her less time than she thought. The papers are empty, she gets a simple coffee at the diner, and she watches the news that they have playing on the television behind the counter. It's the group of school girls that walk in that does it, one of them complaining about how they haven't seen Emmett around and how they don't have anything to look at in History anymore. There are theories thrown around, from camping to backpacking through Europe, but nothing negative. It's comforting.
She goes food shopping, and the man behind the register takes the entire purchase to try and hit on her, which she stops with a flat 'don't' before the sentence completely leaves his mouth. She's back within two hours, and Natasha carries all of the bags inside because more than one trip is, in her opinion, for the weak.
"I'm back," she calls out to the house as she moves into the kitchen to start putting everything away. "Either you're camping or you're backpacking through Europe," she continues, knowing that they can hear her wherever they are, "but the rumors are all manageable. Like I said, SHIELD doesn't really do getting 'caught'. Do one of you want to use that handy speed thing you've got going on, because I really don't want to take forever putting all of this away."
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She isn't too hungry, it's more that she's missed these woods, but Jasper begs off going with. Someone should be there when Natasha gets back, in case she assumes the worst, in whatever form that might take. He's finishing up the coat of paint on the now-spackled damaged wall when Natasha comes home—somehow it's easy to think of it that way—and at her not-quite-request, he steps out from behind that wall and walks even more slowly than normal into the kitchen.
She's bought enough to make quite a few meals for herself, he notices as he starts stocking the refrigerator, and it's a relief. He's still waiting for her to back out, he realizes, he's waiting for her to tell them thanks but no thanks, there are too many unknowns, she can't leave the familiar, she won't take the risk.
"Competing rumors, we can handle," he says with a nod. "Thank you, Natalia. That'll make things much easier, if the family wants to come back here. It's...troublesome, generally, to stay somewhere too long. People begin to notice when their friendly neighborhood doctor looks just the same as he did ten years ago, or when the kids come home from college for vacations and they haven't changed either, but Forks is different. People seem to be taking it all in stride." He smiles again, and it's sharp and humorless this time. "I'm sure the pack of mutts will be thrilled to hear we're coming back. They've probably already picked up on me and Alice."
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She's just managed to put the last of it away when Jasper finishes his thought, and it takes Natasha a moment to realize what he's talking about. Mutts? What mutts? The first thing she does is wrack her brain on any sort of vampire lore that she's seen in pop culture despite how inaccurate most of it has proven to be, but it doesn't take her long to have a suspicion. She's seen Underworld.
"Ooooh no," she groans suddenly, grabbing the edge of the counter near the sink with one hand and dragging the wig off of her head with the other. "No. Absolutely not." She closes her eyes before she takes a deep breath, and Natasha looks at Jasper with an annoyed glare. "Jasper Whitlock Hale, I swear to christ if you are about to tell me that werewolves are a thing... are werewolves a thing?" She asks it as if it's a challenge. "Don't you dare stand there and tell me that werewolves are an actual goddamn thing."
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"...I hadn't mentioned them before, had I," he says after a few moments, and at least he has the self-awareness to wince at his misstep. "I apologize. Yes, I'm very afraid werewolves are an actual goddamn thing. Like most of the lore about us, most of the lore about them is wrong, and we have a treaty with them. We don't bite anyone, they leave us be. They have their land, we have ours. Carlisle arranged it with their alpha when we first moved here. And," he sneers a little, "technically, we're related. It's complicated. But they don't actually pose us any danger."
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She's glaring. It is not fine.
Natasha sighs and she starts to clean up the bags that the groceries came in before pulling pins out of her hair to let it fall loosely over her shoulders. "So? How do we kill them?" She lets the question hang between them, and after a moment she rolls her eyes. "I'm not saying I'm going to, I know what a treaty is, but I need to know how to just in case. You know, insurance."
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He could keep explaining, try to sort out the part where they're related, that the pack hasn't bothered them in years but an absence this long might have lulled them into a false sense of security that the Cold Ones had finally moved on, which could prompt them to come investigate, but he doesn't. Not yet. Just deliver the facts, he can go into more detail after that. He's watching her with that same sharp intensity, unconsciously standing straighter as he always does whenever he puts himself into a more military mindset.
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"I like it when you do that." She gestures to him, "that thing you do where you brief me instead of simply telling me something. It's probably weird that that turns me on, right? Yeah, it's probably weird." And yet she has no qualms about letting him know about it, or letting him feel it, the hint of arousal that his outward strength sets in her.
She turns to face him, head tilting to the side to let her hair fall over her shoulder, and she gives him a slow once over that she doesn't attempt to hide before her eyes fall back onto his. That sharp intensity in his stare... yes. That's what does it. "You don't like them very much, do you?" She smirks a little, and the look in her eye has changed as well. It's something more focused... almost predatory.
"I don't think we'll have to worry about them. I've killed wolves, I've killed bears. If they step out of line, we can handle it."
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