"That's what I thought! But, well, I wouldn't object if you felt like tucking me into your jacket," Alice teases back, and her smile is fond when she thinks about Jasper, and how difficult it is for him to be around humans sometimes, and how well he's done already, being around Natasha. It's probably going to be difficult to explain just how significant that is, especially to someone who shies away from genuine connections when they're first offered.
That fond smile is still in place when she looks back at Natasha and shakes her head. "I know how it sounds to someone who doesn't know me, and I know it's difficult to just accept without any proof, but I know who I saw, Natasha." Alice's eyes drop to watch the movement of Natasha's thumb against her hand. It's been years since she's held hands with any human, and that had been Bella, it hadn't been like this. She hadn't been so interested in paying attention to the subtle shift of muscle and tendon, the easy flow of blood beneath skin. It's enticing, and not in a way that feels dangerous at all.
"I was nervous to come here," she admits, glancing up again, her smile faltering a bit. "I didn't know if I should interrupt. But I thought...well, I couldn't see anything past last night, and I thought if I didn't come now, and if you'd decided to leave, I might never have met you. I didn't want to lose you before I'd even met you. That wouldn't be fair to either of us."
The way that Alice looks at her is different than the way that Jasper does; there's less hesitation, less fear of oneself and what they might end up doing. Her reply can almost be construed as flirtatious - no, it's definitely flirtatious - and Natasha can't help the amused laugh that bubbles up out of her, if only because it's so unexpected. "A lot of people wouldn't object if I felt like tucking them into my jacket," she points out, but after a coy smile she can't help but tack on, "but I think you might actually fit. If I ever feel like tucking someone into my jacket, I'll make sure you're the first person I go to."
And then Alice continues, and for a moment Natasha looks confused. She searches the new woman's face as if looking for something, and she is. There's no sign of falsehood, no tells that lead Natasha to believe that Alice is being anything but completely genuine, and that's... that can't be right. "I thought you came here to see Jasper," she confesses, her confusion blatant on her face. "You came here to see me? ...Because you wanted to meet me?" Just in case Natasha changed her mind. Alice drove from the safety of her new home to risk returning to the site of a raid simply to see Natasha before she disappeared.
People don't object when Natasha disappears. They rejoice in it.
She swallows hard, her mouth having gone dry, and Natasha's lips part hesitantly as if she wants to say something before words fail her and she simply looks down at their hands once more. "...I told him that I'd stay," she admits after a long silence, barely glancing back up to look at Alice through her lashes. "I was willing to meet you, and everyone else. ...Mostly you."
"Well, I did come here to see Jasper," Alice admits. "It's been...hard...without him." It's a sizable understatement. Being without Jasper had made her regret being unable to cry herself to sleep, because just crying hadn't done a thing but upset everyone else. She'd known he would survive and that he would come back to them, but that hadn't stopped her from knowing what he was going through to get there.
Some of that might be visible on her very readable face before she pushes it all away and summons another smile for Natasha. "But I came here when I knew he'd be gone so I could see you. You don't mind, do you? Patience was never my strongest suit, and I just...I wanted to know. I wanted to know you. Are you really going to stay?"
The way that the joy in Alice's face slowly seeps away just tells Natasha how much she wears her emotions on her sleeve; she doesn't even try to hide them, and Natasha can't help but find that somewhat endearing. She watches her closely as she goes through phases, and after a few moments Natasha can't help but give a sad smile. "You love him very dearly." It's more of an observation than a statement, and Natasha looks down once more. A part of her wishes that Alice wasn't so likable. Something in Natasha was hoping that she would be insufferable, because then maybe it would be easier to accept that she's slowly growing feelings for Alice's husband, which feels... wrong. Alice being here to reassure her with outward efforts to be involved in Natasha's life simply seems too good to be true. Things like this don't happen.
And yet here they are. Alice's smile returns, a strange sort of warmth that doesn't seem to match the feel of her skin coming with it, and Natasha returns it with her own. "Yes, I'm really going to stay." She shifts, letting go of one hand but still holding onto the other for reasons that even Natasha doesn't really understand, and she leans back against the couch with her free arm draped over it.
"I don't have anywhere else to go," she admits. "After what happened in DC, I can't really show my face anywhere. I have to wait for the heat to subside before I do that, I don't have a mission to get to..." her eyes divert again, and her smile fades. "I don't even have an agency to answer to." She looks back at Alice just as quickly.
"I don't have a permanent place, I've got an apartment in DC, one in New York, but all of them are - were owned by Shield and they were all practically empty anyway. So when Jasper finally told me everything... I have nothing to lose, right? So yes, I'm going to stay. Besides." Natasha gives a quiet, huffed laugh. "Since he can tolerate being around me, I'm not too worried about how the rest of your family is going to react."
Alice listens, and she aches for the woman with the red hair from her visions. She knows what it's like not to belong anywhere, and as Natasha speaks, she wraps both hands around the warm fingers she's been allowed to keep hold of. She wants to say that Natasha has a permanent place now, she's seen how seamlessly she'll become a part of their family, but she hasn't shared that with anyone yet, not even Carlisle, not even Edward. She hasn't shared how pretty Natasha will look with newborn-red eyes. It's not time for any of that yet.
"The rest of the family will love you," she says instead, serene in her certainty again. "You and Emmett will get along very well. That's not something I've seen," she adds with a playful giggle, "that's just something I'm pretty sure about."
She's going to add more, tell Natasha a little about the other members of the family that she'll meet whenever they leave for Calgary, but then she catches a flash of the immediate future and something about her lightens. Her face brightens as she turns toward the window she knows Jasper will enter through. He's coming back. He'll be there soon. She'll have him back soon. It's so tempting to go running to him, but no, she tells herself, it's more important that he see them together. So he knows everything is the way it should be.
"I wouldn't be so sure." She tries to sell it as a joke but it falls flat, her own uncertainty getting in the way. Any family 'loving' her seems like a far stretch, even Clint's family welcomes her when she visits but it's because it's a visit. Nothing is permanent there, that's not her place, and everything with Alice and Jasper's life already seems so established. Natasha can't possibly envision a way for her to fit into something like that.
She's derailed by the way Alice suddenly sits up at attention, her eyes moving to the window, and Natasha doesn't have to be told that she must sense Jasper is coming back. She looks at the window as well, and although she can't see anything she's already learned that doubting Alice is probably a bad idea. "He's coming?" She asks for confirmation, but before Alice can give it Natasha grins and gives her hand a little tug. "Come on, let's give him something to come back to."
There's no hesitance in the way that she pulls Alice into her, another embrace but this time one that she plans on keeping. She pulls Alice's back into her chest, wrapping her arms around the woman's tiny frame, and by the time Jasper enters the room Natasha is curled up with his wife on the couch.
"Bad news," she begins with a wince, "turns out I'm stealing her from you. We can do a trade off, you get sixty years, I get sixty years... alternating weekends...' She gives him a warm smile, and her first instinct is to look him over to make sure that he's unharmed. He is, and her arms loosen to release Alice; she knows that they'll want to reunite, and Natasha has every intention on disappearing upstairs while they do. She tells herself it's for privacy, but a part of her isn't sure she'll be able to watch it.
As it turns out, precognitive vampires are not immune to little eeps of surprise when they're distracted and then suddenly tugged into someone's lap. Natasha is warm everywhere, soft everywhere, and it's so easy to curl into her after a moment's shock. Alice has grown very good at reading people she sees in her visions, and the woman she'd seen had been...not standoffish, but calculating, careful not to give out affection without knowing exactly what it would cost and how it would benefit. This just seems...playful. Fun.
When Jasper comes through the window, worried and hopeful at once, he's halfway across the room in a heartbeat before he stops dead at the sight on the couch, and the poleaxed look on his face makes Alice start laughing. Natasha's mock-sympathetic comments don't help that at all, but they do make Jasper look even more bewildered, which Alice can certainly appreciate. She turns a pout on Natasha, says, "That doesn't seem at all fair, I want both at once," leans forward to press chilly lips to Natasha's cheek, and slips out of her loosened arms.
Nothing else can distract her right now from getting to Jasper, she blurs across the floor and when they're both visible again, it's not in some passionate embrace. Jasper has his hands settled on her waist, her hands are both on his face, and they're staring into each other's eyes as if that's how they gain sustenance, like that's the way they survive. He doesn't need to tell her he's all right. She'd known that he would consider bolting and that she would get him back, but it doesn't make up for how worried she'd been, and she lets that worry and fear finally pour out of her for him to pick up.
He does, in the way his hands slide around to the small of her back and lace there, keeping her comfortably inside the circle of his arms, and as planned, the well of concern dries up, replaced by relief, love, her own special flavor of joy that Jasper tries his best to inspire in her as often as possible. In this moment, nothing else exists.
But because it's been so long, because she'd been certain she'd get him back, because they have a future to get to, the intense and focused reunion lasts only a few seconds before Alice leans up to peck his lips. "At least you didn't keep me waiting so long this time," she murmurs and turns in his arms to face Natasha again. "We're in Calgary," she adds to him over her shoulder. "But we won't get back to the others for a couple weeks at least. We can stay here and take our time," and this last is to Natasha, with a bright, playful smile. It should be just the three of them at first, she's decided, so they can find a balance before they go rushing off to introduce Natasha to everyone else. That will be a tense day, but ultimately a success.
She knows he's coming, and Natasha prepares for it. by the time Jasper has entered her walls are already up, solid and precise, and she's glad that she did it when she sees the way that Alice moves to him. He touches her without hesitation, staring down at her as if she's the only thing in his world, and for a moment Natasha knows that she no longer exists to either of them.
She diverts her eyes, simply looking away to watch the trees sway peacefully out the window, and instead of shielding her feelings Natasha uses a different tactic to shut them down all together, temporarily dissociating from the room around her. It's easier that way, she thinks, instead of having to hide the unjustified hurt she knows she'll feel if she keeps watching.
It isn't until Alice speaks again, obviously addressing Natasha, that she looks back, and the smile that she gives is an easy performance as she slowly transitions herself back into the room, walls still firmly in place. "I don't know if that's a good idea," she begins slowly, looking between the two of them where Alice stands wrapped in Jasper's arms. A couple of weeks like this? With this feeling? "Wouldn't your family miss you? Or worry?"
The moment, the absolute moment Alice's eyes had left his, Jasper's head had turned toward Natasha. He can feel how careful she's being about what she's feeling, and while on the surface it all seems as it should be, he knows he's only picking up what she wants him to. There had been a distressing sensation of her floating away for a few moments, which had only really registered with him once it had come to an end, and while his hands are still settled comfortably around Alice's waist, all his sharp attention is on Natasha now.
"I'll call Carlisle and let him know," Alice says immediately and leans up to peck Jasper's cheek before slipping out of his arms and almost dancing toward the balcony. Jasper watches her go with a little half smile and ambles toward the couch.
"You seem locked up tight," he says quietly, but he doesn't hesitate as he takes a seat a few feet away. His Alice is back. He's never doubted how much of a difference she makes to him, to his mind, to the strength of his heart.
Natasha's eyes follow Alice as she practically bounces toward the balcony, and she can feel Jasper approaching before she looks back at him. He sits on the other end of the couch and she doesn't move, leaning against the arm with her legs bent on the cushion, and she manages to give him a sort of half-smile. "Me? No..." a little joke, hopefully one that will make him simply drop the fact that she's guarding herself, but Jasper isn't Clint or Steve. He doesn't simply drop something because she sends him a signal to. He isn't afraid of her.
She sighs, looking back toward the balcony that Alice had run off to before her eyes finally fall back on him. "I'm glad that you two are back together in the same place, I can see how much she means to you." She gives a wary smile, choosing her words carefully. "I don't think I've ever seen you like that." She hasn't, and the silly petty side of her doesn't want to admit that she's been paying attention close enough to be certain. He's still looking at her, and Natasha sighs as she finally sits up.
"I'm fine, Jasper. It's just a lot to take in." It's not necessarily a lie. Her attention diverts to her fingernails. "So does this mean that we're going? For me to meet everyone." She chances another glance up, this time without moving her head, and she stares at him curiously through her lashes. It's all still much too good to be true, she's realizing. How does she know that she isn't simply going to be used as a fun little plaything to something that they already have so firmly and deeply established? Natasha almost immediately scolds herself for the thought, because she knows that Jasper isn't that person. At least, she likes to think that she does.
"It was," he says with a satisfied grin, opting to answer the easier question first. "Found myself a decently sized buck, but the locals had their own designs on it. One fewer cougar in those mountains back there now." There's something thoroughly animalistic about fighting and besting a predator. He isn't certain if their blood is any more satisfying than a deer's or a rabbit's, but after taking one down, it certainly feels like it.
"As for whether we're going, seems you'd know more about that than me, I just got here," he points out. "You and Alice seemed to be having an engrossing discussion before I so rudely interrupted. But it sounds like Alice plans on stopping here for a while, and I think I agree with her. As you say, it's a lot to take in. I'd assume she thinks it will be easier if it's just us."
Her chest slowly moves with a deep inhale that she releases slowly through her nose, eyes moving to the balcony again, and despite her concerns Natasha finds herself giving a small smile. "She just wants to get to know me. I don't think she realizes just how difficult that is to do, but she's sweet." And not because Natasha doesn't want to try, but because she barely knows who she is anymore. How is she supposed to explain herself to someone else?
"If that's what she thinks." It's a grudging agreement but Natasha can already tell that there's no point in arguing. They want to stay here, just them, and Natasha isn't closed off to trying. She doesn't have high hopes, but she'll try. "So how does this work?" She looks back at Jasper, falling back into a sense of normalcy. There's no point in thinking about how many things can go wrong... neither Jasper nor Alice want to hear that, and Natasha knows that there's no way to quell the concerns in her head when they're rooted in basic cynicism in the first place. She offers him a small smirk. "Do we sit around the fire and talk about our feelings? I'd drag you into my lap too but I don't think you could handle it. Plus the whole 'control' thing."
"Well, one obstacle seems to have been surpassed already," he says, glancing toward the balcony, where he can hear Alice chatting to Carlisle. His smile grows as he listens for a few moments to Alice gushing over Natasha. "She likes you, by the way," he murmurs to her. "She's telling Carlisle."
But her question, flippant as it is on the surface, is a legitimate one. How is he meant to do anything except sit around and talk about feelings, if he can't get as close to Natasha after weeks as Alice could get immediately upon meeting her?
But perhaps that's one reason Alice wants them to stay together, just the three of them, before they go back out to rejoin the family. He's been growing steadily better, even if Natasha doesn't realize his progress. Perhaps Alice wants to give him the chance to continue that improvement. "Someday," he says after a few moments, "you will be able to. I'd like to work on that, if you'd be willing."
She can't hear Alice on the balcony but she's sure that Jasper can, and she cracks a small smile when he reassures her. "I know she does," she admits quietly, pulling her knees to her chest to wrap her arms around them. "She's a genuine little thing, isn't she? Here I am," she gives a weak smile, "still locked up. You're quiet, reserved. ...She's one of the good ones, isn't she?" Natasha finds herself looking back at the balcony entrance, staring for a few lingering moments. That's another concern... maybe they want her to be a part of their lives now, but will they still? Even after learning who she really is and everything that she's done?
When he continues Natasha has the decency to look back at him, and surprise briefly flutters across her face at his response. "...You really mean that." She says it like a new realization. "You really want to try this." She stares at him for a few moments, studying his face like she always does as if she's looking for a tell, and when she doesn't find it Natasha decides to try a new tactic; honesty. She's got nothing to lose.
"What if I'm not good for you?" She doesn't sound particularly concerned, and she asks it factually. "She saw it from the first day, I'm angry and sharp. ...You've seen the people that I've worked with." Guilt. It's seeping again, and she quickly shoves it behind that wall. "Maybe I didn't know what they were doing but that wasn't always the case. ... She's good, Jasper. You've been trying to be good for a long time now, I - I'm newer. At this." Natasha brushes her long hair behind her ear, a nervous tick. "I wasn't a good person. I'm not a good person, I - I don't know. I don't know what I am, anymore, I've been trying to figure it out since the day I got to the cabin." And asked him if he was going to kill her. It feels like a lifetime ago.
As always, Jasper waits until she's finished getting her thoughts out. He will always do that for her, whether she realizes it yet or not.
"Alice is the most genuine person I've ever met in all my years," he says steadily, "and if she hadn't been waiting on me in that diner in Philadelphia...well. It would have been the free-climber I smelled out there, and not the cougar, who got plucked off that mountainside. Yes, I have been trying to be good for a long time now. There was still a beginning to that for me, even if it's sixty years back."
He looks over at Alice again, watches her perched on the railing outside, heedless of the drop, of course, talking to Bella now. She'll catch up with every member of the family if she can. They have time to talk, a little more time. "This might surprise you, but I don't put much stock in the idea of destiny. Alice's visions, they're not destinies. They can always be changed. There's always some way."
It takes time, but he finally looks back at her. "Natalia, we are neither of us very good people, and I have had far worse influences for most of my life. It doesn't matter to me, I would say to either of us, that you don't know who you are right now. I barely knew who I was meant to be for a long time. Alice came along to show me a better way. Maybe we've come along to give you that chance too."
There's something reassuring in knowing that Jasper doesn't believe in destiny, because if Natasha is being quite honest, neither does she. She makes her own path, she knows that, and she made her own decisions to end up exactly where she is right now. Perhaps she didn't have the power to make such influential choices when she was young, but she still had choices. She could have chosen to not kill the girls that she grew up with, and that would have meant certain death. At the time, that was terrifying. Now, Natasha wonders if she had even made the right choice in the first place.
Her gaze softens as she watches him, and at the way he says her name once more. Maybe that's why she likes it, not because it sounds so melodic in his voice but because it's a reminder of who she original was. Or, who she was supposed to be before she was taken in at the age of eight. "I wonder all the time who I would be right now if things didn't happen the way they did." It's a confession she's never given to anyone, but she finds it easy to say to Jasper. Shifting on the couch, Natasha tucks her legs beneath her and leans against the back of it to face him properly. "I don't even know what my interests would be."
The idea of them finding her to give her a chance, it still seems too good. Yet they are, aren't they, simply by being here with her. They don't fear her, or wish that she was somebody else. They want to know Natasha - no, they want to know Natalia, and for the first time in her life she's afraid that she may not be good enough in an entirely different way. They don't care how fast she can kill a man. They care about something so much more important than that.
"And what did you find?" She asks him softly, letting the side of her head rest against the back of the couch as she watches him with a small, sad smile. "Who is Jasper Whitlock Hale meant to be?"
"Well, that's just it," Jasper says with a quiet, distant smile of his own. "I'm not sure I have any idea. I've read a lot of books on philosophy—most of the languages I know, I picked up for that reason—and all that distilled wisdom makes me awfully secure in saying 'I don't know.' But I know who I'm not, anymore." Sometimes that's the difference between veering off and attacking a distant hiker whose death would be chalked up to a mountain lion attack, and staying the course and going after the mountain lion.
He can hear Alice wrapping up her conversation with Esme. She's told them they'll stay here in Forks for a week, while Alice takes care of a few pesky details that hadn't been tidied up before they'd disappeared. They'd like to come back to Forks one day, maybe sooner rather than later, if they can evaluate the rumors about them. Not as easy without Edward around, but...Jasper lifts his head a little, suddenly thoughtful. Maybe they wouldn't need a telepath to help with that.
"Alice didn't say anything to you about being turned, did she?" he asks absently, still caught up in thoughts of asking Natasha to suss out rumors in town about the Cullen family's sudden disappearance. "She never brought it up with me, there wasn't the time."
It's so simple, the way that he says it, yet it hits Natasha so hard the wind is almost knocked out of her. He knows who he's not. "That's what I want." She says it aloud almost too quickly, letting on that she hadn't made the connection until she heard it in his words. "I want to know who I'm not. I thought I did, that's what SHIELD was supposed to do for me but..." she trails off with a frown. He knows the rest. They weren't who they said they were, which meant Natasha wasn't who she thought she was.
Her eyes fall to the couch, tracing idle patterns in her jeans with a distracted mind, but at his question she looks up abruptly with narrow-eyed uncertainty. "...No, she didn't say anything to me about that." The response is slow, as if she's thinking about several things when she says it. "Why? Do you think that it's going to be necessary?" Does he think that one of his family members will insist upon it? She can see, though, that there's distraction in his mind and Natasha tries to read him once more.
"What are you thinking?" She finally asks outright. "You've got that face, what are you thinking right now?"
It's reassuring to have the flavor of Natasha's emotions back, even if she hasn't gone back to the point they'd reached before. There's time, he won't demand anything like that of her. In truth, it's still impressive to him that she can guard herself so well. He doesn't want her to lose that skill.
"Hmm? Oh, no." He reaches over and rests just the tips of his fingers against her hand, and there's no real spike in his hunger when he feels that appealing flood of warmth. "I am sorry, that was misleading of me. I was considering our odds in moving back to this place. Ordinarily, Edward keeps his ear to the ground, as it were. He's our first tipoff when people are beginning to suspect. But I thought if you'd be interested in going and collecting some rumors about our departure, maybe gauge the temperature of the situation."
He shakes his head as he watches her, and while his fingers don't move to stroke her hand, they aren't tense and neither is he. "That would be more difficult if you were in the throes of a change, that's all. I don't know what you girls were finding to talk about, after all."
The simple gesture of reassurance is not only unexpected, but it's pleasantly reassuring in a way that Natasha didn't know she needed. There was no hesitation in it at all, Jasper simply reached for her, and for some reason that makes it all more real than the night before had. The night before, she had to approach him, and yet this time...
Well. The smile on her face probably makes her look remarkably foolish, like some light headed teen, but she doesn't find that she minds so much.
"We were talking about you," she teases. "Just about you. The entire time, you know. Gossiping." Of course it's not true, but she's playing with him, and she waves the hand that he isn't touching dismissively. "I can go into town and collect intel, that's easy. I've got the basics I need for some disguises I have in the trunk of the car, I don't know if my face is on the news yet but even if it is it shouldn't be a problem." She looks curious. "Is that what you want? I can drive in today, if you need me to."
"We'll consult with our communications expert," Jasper says serenely, turning his head again to watch Alice hang up the phone and hop back off the railing. Impulsively, Jasper's fingers slide along Natasha's to lace them, without gripping, just resting there together. "How's everyone?" he asks Alice lightly as she slides the door open.
Alice takes a few steps in and pauses in delighted surprise at seeing Jasper touching Natasha so easily. Without a moment of hesitation, she blurs across the room and settles into Natasha's lap, draping her legs over Jasper's thighs with a bright smile.
"They're fine," she says, resting her head against Natasha's shoulder. "Carlisle's thinking about going back to medical school, and Emmett brought a polar bear back to the house."
he laces his fingers between hers and Natasha finds herself smiling again, and she's certain that her face is absolutely not the faintest shade of pink because that would be absolutely ridiculous. Before she can respond Alice is back, she moves so quickly that it actually makes Natasha jump when she's on the couch. She knows that they can move that fast she's just never seen it.
Somehow this is easier. Alice is leaning back into her, Jasper is holding her hand and for the first time Natasha has the oddest sensation of being a part of something. Something that she wants to be a part of, not something she's been assigned to, and that's when she not only realizes that she actually wants to be a part of it but that she's never really been a part of anything on her own free will before.
"He brought back a polar bear? That's just showing off at that point, that's ridiculous." She rolls her eyes, smiling to herself as she does. Every time she hears about Emmett, she finds that she quite likes him. Natasha's free arm wraps around Alice's middle to keep her steady, and she starts to question herself as to why such an action came so easily before she stops the train of thought abruptly. Alice has already proven that she makes Natasha more comfortable than she should be. No reason to question a nice thing.
"Jasper and I were talking, I was thinking about going into town?" She glances at Jasper for confirmation before looking at the side of Alice's face. "See if I can gather intel on the family and what people are saying about them. I'd have to hide my identity but I already told him that's not a problem, I have everything I need to do that in the car. What do you think?" Natasha offers a hopeful smile. "So that maybe your family can come to us instead, and we can have the house fixed up before they get here?"
Alice kicks off her shoes as Jasper rests a hand easily on her knee, the fingers of his other hand still laced easily with Natasha's. "You'll find Emmett has a bit of a vendetta against bears," Jasper murmurs in explanation. "Probably the lethal mauling that did it."
Alice sighs dramatically, how is she supposed to incorporate a polar bear skin into their decor, they're so Seventies and she's already needed to deal with Seventies style once, but the conversation makes her blink in surprise. "Really? Do you think...oh, we always loved it here," she says wistfully, looking around at the familiar furnishings of the beautiful house, filled with natural light even when the skies are overcast. It's peaceful here, even with the Quileutes up the coast, even with everything that had happened here.
"You'd do that for us?" she asks, turning her head to look up at Natasha, hopeful and excited. This hasn't changed the vision she's had of them going to Calgary to meet the family, but maybe that's just because they don't know anything yet.
"Is that how he went?" She frowns when Jasper explains, falling silent for a moment at the thought that all of them, the entire family, had to have died in some way to be where they are. And yet they found each other, there's a sort of beauty in that.
"Of course I would." The immediate answer should probably surprise her more than it does, but Natasha pushes that away as well in favor of smiling down at Alice. The physical affection helps... she simply hasn't realized how longs it's been. "This is kind of what I do. Jasper knows more about it, but..." she glances at him for a moment before looking back at Alice.
"It won't take me long. I know the sort of places I need to hang around to overhear the chatter, and that might not even be necessary. It's a small town, if they know anything it'll probably be all over the local papers. I'll just pop into town, grab some groceries since we'll be staying here for a while and I don't want you two to have to run out all the time finding me a pizza," a coy smile, "see exactly what's being said and we'll have our answer. Don't be surprised if nothing is reported." She looks back at Jasper again to address the both of them. "The way SHIELD does things, the less people talk the better. I wouldn't be surprised if they already sent a clean up crew to make sure that nobody here saw anything."
"It is. I'll let him tell you the story, wouldn't want to steal his thunder." He pauses for a moment, openly admiring the picture they make curled up together like this. He hadn't been certain how he'd feel, seeing someone else's arm around his wife's waist, but as it turns out, it's not difficult at all. Quite the opposite. He wouldn't need his extra abilities to sense how comfortable and contented Alice is like this, and Natasha's getting awfully accustomed to it herself, even after such a short time.
He nods thoughtfully. "The diner is where the gossip-mongers congregate. But Police Chief Swan is Edward's father-in-law, you may want to avoid him for now. He'll be more in the know than most but he's a suspicious type and he'll wonder at any stranger in town showing an interest."
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That fond smile is still in place when she looks back at Natasha and shakes her head. "I know how it sounds to someone who doesn't know me, and I know it's difficult to just accept without any proof, but I know who I saw, Natasha." Alice's eyes drop to watch the movement of Natasha's thumb against her hand. It's been years since she's held hands with any human, and that had been Bella, it hadn't been like this. She hadn't been so interested in paying attention to the subtle shift of muscle and tendon, the easy flow of blood beneath skin. It's enticing, and not in a way that feels dangerous at all.
"I was nervous to come here," she admits, glancing up again, her smile faltering a bit. "I didn't know if I should interrupt. But I thought...well, I couldn't see anything past last night, and I thought if I didn't come now, and if you'd decided to leave, I might never have met you. I didn't want to lose you before I'd even met you. That wouldn't be fair to either of us."
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And then Alice continues, and for a moment Natasha looks confused. She searches the new woman's face as if looking for something, and she is. There's no sign of falsehood, no tells that lead Natasha to believe that Alice is being anything but completely genuine, and that's... that can't be right. "I thought you came here to see Jasper," she confesses, her confusion blatant on her face. "You came here to see me? ...Because you wanted to meet me?" Just in case Natasha changed her mind. Alice drove from the safety of her new home to risk returning to the site of a raid simply to see Natasha before she disappeared.
People don't object when Natasha disappears. They rejoice in it.
She swallows hard, her mouth having gone dry, and Natasha's lips part hesitantly as if she wants to say something before words fail her and she simply looks down at their hands once more. "...I told him that I'd stay," she admits after a long silence, barely glancing back up to look at Alice through her lashes. "I was willing to meet you, and everyone else. ...Mostly you."
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Some of that might be visible on her very readable face before she pushes it all away and summons another smile for Natasha. "But I came here when I knew he'd be gone so I could see you. You don't mind, do you? Patience was never my strongest suit, and I just...I wanted to know. I wanted to know you. Are you really going to stay?"
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And yet here they are. Alice's smile returns, a strange sort of warmth that doesn't seem to match the feel of her skin coming with it, and Natasha returns it with her own. "Yes, I'm really going to stay." She shifts, letting go of one hand but still holding onto the other for reasons that even Natasha doesn't really understand, and she leans back against the couch with her free arm draped over it.
"I don't have anywhere else to go," she admits. "After what happened in DC, I can't really show my face anywhere. I have to wait for the heat to subside before I do that, I don't have a mission to get to..." her eyes divert again, and her smile fades. "I don't even have an agency to answer to." She looks back at Alice just as quickly.
"I don't have a permanent place, I've got an apartment in DC, one in New York, but all of them are - were owned by Shield and they were all practically empty anyway. So when Jasper finally told me everything... I have nothing to lose, right? So yes, I'm going to stay. Besides." Natasha gives a quiet, huffed laugh. "Since he can tolerate being around me, I'm not too worried about how the rest of your family is going to react."
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"The rest of the family will love you," she says instead, serene in her certainty again. "You and Emmett will get along very well. That's not something I've seen," she adds with a playful giggle, "that's just something I'm pretty sure about."
She's going to add more, tell Natasha a little about the other members of the family that she'll meet whenever they leave for Calgary, but then she catches a flash of the immediate future and something about her lightens. Her face brightens as she turns toward the window she knows Jasper will enter through. He's coming back. He'll be there soon. She'll have him back soon. It's so tempting to go running to him, but no, she tells herself, it's more important that he see them together. So he knows everything is the way it should be.
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She's derailed by the way Alice suddenly sits up at attention, her eyes moving to the window, and Natasha doesn't have to be told that she must sense Jasper is coming back. She looks at the window as well, and although she can't see anything she's already learned that doubting Alice is probably a bad idea. "He's coming?" She asks for confirmation, but before Alice can give it Natasha grins and gives her hand a little tug. "Come on, let's give him something to come back to."
There's no hesitance in the way that she pulls Alice into her, another embrace but this time one that she plans on keeping. She pulls Alice's back into her chest, wrapping her arms around the woman's tiny frame, and by the time Jasper enters the room Natasha is curled up with his wife on the couch.
"Bad news," she begins with a wince, "turns out I'm stealing her from you. We can do a trade off, you get sixty years, I get sixty years... alternating weekends...' She gives him a warm smile, and her first instinct is to look him over to make sure that he's unharmed. He is, and her arms loosen to release Alice; she knows that they'll want to reunite, and Natasha has every intention on disappearing upstairs while they do. She tells herself it's for privacy, but a part of her isn't sure she'll be able to watch it.
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When Jasper comes through the window, worried and hopeful at once, he's halfway across the room in a heartbeat before he stops dead at the sight on the couch, and the poleaxed look on his face makes Alice start laughing. Natasha's mock-sympathetic comments don't help that at all, but they do make Jasper look even more bewildered, which Alice can certainly appreciate. She turns a pout on Natasha, says, "That doesn't seem at all fair, I want both at once," leans forward to press chilly lips to Natasha's cheek, and slips out of her loosened arms.
Nothing else can distract her right now from getting to Jasper, she blurs across the floor and when they're both visible again, it's not in some passionate embrace. Jasper has his hands settled on her waist, her hands are both on his face, and they're staring into each other's eyes as if that's how they gain sustenance, like that's the way they survive. He doesn't need to tell her he's all right. She'd known that he would consider bolting and that she would get him back, but it doesn't make up for how worried she'd been, and she lets that worry and fear finally pour out of her for him to pick up.
He does, in the way his hands slide around to the small of her back and lace there, keeping her comfortably inside the circle of his arms, and as planned, the well of concern dries up, replaced by relief, love, her own special flavor of joy that Jasper tries his best to inspire in her as often as possible. In this moment, nothing else exists.
But because it's been so long, because she'd been certain she'd get him back, because they have a future to get to, the intense and focused reunion lasts only a few seconds before Alice leans up to peck his lips. "At least you didn't keep me waiting so long this time," she murmurs and turns in his arms to face Natasha again. "We're in Calgary," she adds to him over her shoulder. "But we won't get back to the others for a couple weeks at least. We can stay here and take our time," and this last is to Natasha, with a bright, playful smile. It should be just the three of them at first, she's decided, so they can find a balance before they go rushing off to introduce Natasha to everyone else. That will be a tense day, but ultimately a success.
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She diverts her eyes, simply looking away to watch the trees sway peacefully out the window, and instead of shielding her feelings Natasha uses a different tactic to shut them down all together, temporarily dissociating from the room around her. It's easier that way, she thinks, instead of having to hide the unjustified hurt she knows she'll feel if she keeps watching.
It isn't until Alice speaks again, obviously addressing Natasha, that she looks back, and the smile that she gives is an easy performance as she slowly transitions herself back into the room, walls still firmly in place. "I don't know if that's a good idea," she begins slowly, looking between the two of them where Alice stands wrapped in Jasper's arms. A couple of weeks like this? With this feeling? "Wouldn't your family miss you? Or worry?"
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"I'll call Carlisle and let him know," Alice says immediately and leans up to peck Jasper's cheek before slipping out of his arms and almost dancing toward the balcony. Jasper watches her go with a little half smile and ambles toward the couch.
"You seem locked up tight," he says quietly, but he doesn't hesitate as he takes a seat a few feet away. His Alice is back. He's never doubted how much of a difference she makes to him, to his mind, to the strength of his heart.
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She sighs, looking back toward the balcony that Alice had run off to before her eyes finally fall back on him. "I'm glad that you two are back together in the same place, I can see how much she means to you." She gives a wary smile, choosing her words carefully. "I don't think I've ever seen you like that." She hasn't, and the silly petty side of her doesn't want to admit that she's been paying attention close enough to be certain. He's still looking at her, and Natasha sighs as she finally sits up.
"I'm fine, Jasper. It's just a lot to take in." It's not necessarily a lie. Her attention diverts to her fingernails. "So does this mean that we're going? For me to meet everyone." She chances another glance up, this time without moving her head, and she stares at him curiously through her lashes. It's all still much too good to be true, she's realizing. How does she know that she isn't simply going to be used as a fun little plaything to something that they already have so firmly and deeply established? Natasha almost immediately scolds herself for the thought, because she knows that Jasper isn't that person. At least, she likes to think that she does.
"Was your hunt successful?"
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"As for whether we're going, seems you'd know more about that than me, I just got here," he points out. "You and Alice seemed to be having an engrossing discussion before I so rudely interrupted. But it sounds like Alice plans on stopping here for a while, and I think I agree with her. As you say, it's a lot to take in. I'd assume she thinks it will be easier if it's just us."
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"If that's what she thinks." It's a grudging agreement but Natasha can already tell that there's no point in arguing. They want to stay here, just them, and Natasha isn't closed off to trying. She doesn't have high hopes, but she'll try. "So how does this work?" She looks back at Jasper, falling back into a sense of normalcy. There's no point in thinking about how many things can go wrong... neither Jasper nor Alice want to hear that, and Natasha knows that there's no way to quell the concerns in her head when they're rooted in basic cynicism in the first place. She offers him a small smirk. "Do we sit around the fire and talk about our feelings? I'd drag you into my lap too but I don't think you could handle it. Plus the whole 'control' thing."
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But her question, flippant as it is on the surface, is a legitimate one. How is he meant to do anything except sit around and talk about feelings, if he can't get as close to Natasha after weeks as Alice could get immediately upon meeting her?
But perhaps that's one reason Alice wants them to stay together, just the three of them, before they go back out to rejoin the family. He's been growing steadily better, even if Natasha doesn't realize his progress. Perhaps Alice wants to give him the chance to continue that improvement. "Someday," he says after a few moments, "you will be able to. I'd like to work on that, if you'd be willing."
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When he continues Natasha has the decency to look back at him, and surprise briefly flutters across her face at his response. "...You really mean that." She says it like a new realization. "You really want to try this." She stares at him for a few moments, studying his face like she always does as if she's looking for a tell, and when she doesn't find it Natasha decides to try a new tactic; honesty. She's got nothing to lose.
"What if I'm not good for you?" She doesn't sound particularly concerned, and she asks it factually. "She saw it from the first day, I'm angry and sharp. ...You've seen the people that I've worked with." Guilt. It's seeping again, and she quickly shoves it behind that wall. "Maybe I didn't know what they were doing but that wasn't always the case. ... She's good, Jasper. You've been trying to be good for a long time now, I - I'm newer. At this." Natasha brushes her long hair behind her ear, a nervous tick. "I wasn't a good person. I'm not a good person, I - I don't know. I don't know what I am, anymore, I've been trying to figure it out since the day I got to the cabin." And asked him if he was going to kill her. It feels like a lifetime ago.
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"Alice is the most genuine person I've ever met in all my years," he says steadily, "and if she hadn't been waiting on me in that diner in Philadelphia...well. It would have been the free-climber I smelled out there, and not the cougar, who got plucked off that mountainside. Yes, I have been trying to be good for a long time now. There was still a beginning to that for me, even if it's sixty years back."
He looks over at Alice again, watches her perched on the railing outside, heedless of the drop, of course, talking to Bella now. She'll catch up with every member of the family if she can. They have time to talk, a little more time. "This might surprise you, but I don't put much stock in the idea of destiny. Alice's visions, they're not destinies. They can always be changed. There's always some way."
It takes time, but he finally looks back at her. "Natalia, we are neither of us very good people, and I have had far worse influences for most of my life. It doesn't matter to me, I would say to either of us, that you don't know who you are right now. I barely knew who I was meant to be for a long time. Alice came along to show me a better way. Maybe we've come along to give you that chance too."
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Her gaze softens as she watches him, and at the way he says her name once more. Maybe that's why she likes it, not because it sounds so melodic in his voice but because it's a reminder of who she original was. Or, who she was supposed to be before she was taken in at the age of eight. "I wonder all the time who I would be right now if things didn't happen the way they did." It's a confession she's never given to anyone, but she finds it easy to say to Jasper. Shifting on the couch, Natasha tucks her legs beneath her and leans against the back of it to face him properly. "I don't even know what my interests would be."
The idea of them finding her to give her a chance, it still seems too good. Yet they are, aren't they, simply by being here with her. They don't fear her, or wish that she was somebody else. They want to know Natasha - no, they want to know Natalia, and for the first time in her life she's afraid that she may not be good enough in an entirely different way. They don't care how fast she can kill a man. They care about something so much more important than that.
"And what did you find?" She asks him softly, letting the side of her head rest against the back of the couch as she watches him with a small, sad smile. "Who is Jasper Whitlock Hale meant to be?"
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He can hear Alice wrapping up her conversation with Esme. She's told them they'll stay here in Forks for a week, while Alice takes care of a few pesky details that hadn't been tidied up before they'd disappeared. They'd like to come back to Forks one day, maybe sooner rather than later, if they can evaluate the rumors about them. Not as easy without Edward around, but...Jasper lifts his head a little, suddenly thoughtful. Maybe they wouldn't need a telepath to help with that.
"Alice didn't say anything to you about being turned, did she?" he asks absently, still caught up in thoughts of asking Natasha to suss out rumors in town about the Cullen family's sudden disappearance. "She never brought it up with me, there wasn't the time."
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Her eyes fall to the couch, tracing idle patterns in her jeans with a distracted mind, but at his question she looks up abruptly with narrow-eyed uncertainty. "...No, she didn't say anything to me about that." The response is slow, as if she's thinking about several things when she says it. "Why? Do you think that it's going to be necessary?" Does he think that one of his family members will insist upon it? She can see, though, that there's distraction in his mind and Natasha tries to read him once more.
"What are you thinking?" She finally asks outright. "You've got that face, what are you thinking right now?"
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"Hmm? Oh, no." He reaches over and rests just the tips of his fingers against her hand, and there's no real spike in his hunger when he feels that appealing flood of warmth. "I am sorry, that was misleading of me. I was considering our odds in moving back to this place. Ordinarily, Edward keeps his ear to the ground, as it were. He's our first tipoff when people are beginning to suspect. But I thought if you'd be interested in going and collecting some rumors about our departure, maybe gauge the temperature of the situation."
He shakes his head as he watches her, and while his fingers don't move to stroke her hand, they aren't tense and neither is he. "That would be more difficult if you were in the throes of a change, that's all. I don't know what you girls were finding to talk about, after all."
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Well. The smile on her face probably makes her look remarkably foolish, like some light headed teen, but she doesn't find that she minds so much.
"We were talking about you," she teases. "Just about you. The entire time, you know. Gossiping." Of course it's not true, but she's playing with him, and she waves the hand that he isn't touching dismissively. "I can go into town and collect intel, that's easy. I've got the basics I need for some disguises I have in the trunk of the car, I don't know if my face is on the news yet but even if it is it shouldn't be a problem." She looks curious. "Is that what you want? I can drive in today, if you need me to."
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Alice takes a few steps in and pauses in delighted surprise at seeing Jasper touching Natasha so easily. Without a moment of hesitation, she blurs across the room and settles into Natasha's lap, draping her legs over Jasper's thighs with a bright smile.
"They're fine," she says, resting her head against Natasha's shoulder. "Carlisle's thinking about going back to medical school, and Emmett brought a polar bear back to the house."
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Somehow this is easier. Alice is leaning back into her, Jasper is holding her hand and for the first time Natasha has the oddest sensation of being a part of something. Something that she wants to be a part of, not something she's been assigned to, and that's when she not only realizes that she actually wants to be a part of it but that she's never really been a part of anything on her own free will before.
"He brought back a polar bear? That's just showing off at that point, that's ridiculous." She rolls her eyes, smiling to herself as she does. Every time she hears about Emmett, she finds that she quite likes him. Natasha's free arm wraps around Alice's middle to keep her steady, and she starts to question herself as to why such an action came so easily before she stops the train of thought abruptly. Alice has already proven that she makes Natasha more comfortable than she should be. No reason to question a nice thing.
"Jasper and I were talking, I was thinking about going into town?" She glances at Jasper for confirmation before looking at the side of Alice's face. "See if I can gather intel on the family and what people are saying about them. I'd have to hide my identity but I already told him that's not a problem, I have everything I need to do that in the car. What do you think?" Natasha offers a hopeful smile. "So that maybe your family can come to us instead, and we can have the house fixed up before they get here?"
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Alice sighs dramatically, how is she supposed to incorporate a polar bear skin into their decor, they're so Seventies and she's already needed to deal with Seventies style once, but the conversation makes her blink in surprise. "Really? Do you think...oh, we always loved it here," she says wistfully, looking around at the familiar furnishings of the beautiful house, filled with natural light even when the skies are overcast. It's peaceful here, even with the Quileutes up the coast, even with everything that had happened here.
"You'd do that for us?" she asks, turning her head to look up at Natasha, hopeful and excited. This hasn't changed the vision she's had of them going to Calgary to meet the family, but maybe that's just because they don't know anything yet.
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"Of course I would." The immediate answer should probably surprise her more than it does, but Natasha pushes that away as well in favor of smiling down at Alice. The physical affection helps... she simply hasn't realized how longs it's been. "This is kind of what I do. Jasper knows more about it, but..." she glances at him for a moment before looking back at Alice.
"It won't take me long. I know the sort of places I need to hang around to overhear the chatter, and that might not even be necessary. It's a small town, if they know anything it'll probably be all over the local papers. I'll just pop into town, grab some groceries since we'll be staying here for a while and I don't want you two to have to run out all the time finding me a pizza," a coy smile, "see exactly what's being said and we'll have our answer. Don't be surprised if nothing is reported." She looks back at Jasper again to address the both of them. "The way SHIELD does things, the less people talk the better. I wouldn't be surprised if they already sent a clean up crew to make sure that nobody here saw anything."
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He nods thoughtfully. "The diner is where the gossip-mongers congregate. But Police Chief Swan is Edward's father-in-law, you may want to avoid him for now. He'll be more in the know than most but he's a suspicious type and he'll wonder at any stranger in town showing an interest."
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